I'm taking back this blog!  Yes I know it's been a while but since I can still remember the password, I thought I'd steal it back off Jimbo.  Piracy can only be tolerated for a matter of months....

Yes, back to the reason for this post.  We've exchanged contracts on our house!  And the removals men are coming to do their biz on Tuesday 18th, next week.  So we'll be in Portsmouth on Monday night if anyone is around.

Hope to see some people then maybe...

Well, it has been a very long time since I last updated my blog on us so I thought it time I claimed back ownership!

So what have I been doing, yes indeed I have been playing in my shed quite a bit, I feel very 'manly' pottering around with bits of wood and sniffing my varnish. I have however been doing other things...

Job - I have now finished working at IBM and have started a career as a embroiderer, I work along with a local pensioner called Gladys May, she makes very nice cakes and is currently teaching me how to do tripple-back cross-stitch on my latest project stitching a picture of Margarite Pattern. 

Health - I have unfortunately developed bunions on my feet and my knees are not what they used to be.

Julie and Sam - They are great! Sam recently learned to draw on himself, today he made himself all green (resembling The Incredible Hulk). Julie has been drinking lots of milk and has grown almost as tall as I am (either that or I am shrinking).

I do hope to update my blog again soon, sorry I have not updated it in such a long time.

Benj...

Well, it has been a very long time since I last updated my blog on us so I thought it time I claimed back ownership!

So what have I been doing, yes indeed I have been playing in my shed quite a bit, I feel very 'manly' pottering around with bits of wood and sniffing my varnish. I have however been doing other things...

Job - I have now finished working at IBM and have started a career as a embroiderer, I work along with a local pensioner called Gladys May, she makes very nice cakes and is currently teaching me how to do tripple-back cross-stitch on my latest project stitching a picture of Margarite Pattern. 

Health - I have unfortunately developed bunions on my feet and my knees are not what they used to be.

Julie and Sam - They are great! Sam recently learned to draw on himself, today he made himself all green (resembling The Incredible Hulk). Julie has been drinking lots of milk and has grown almost as tall as I am (either that or I am shrinking).

I do hope to update my blog again soon, sorry I have not updated it in such a long time.

Benj...

Hello, I am a squatter, I saw this blog which appears not to have had anyone home for some time - so I decided I would move in.

I think the previous resident of this blog has moved off somewhere, like his shed! I am under the impression that because there are no nails, hammers or wood shavings in this blog the previous resident finds no comfort here, and finds more comfort of a good lump of wood.

Now, should I change the locks?

Mr J.

Julie and I are Odeon DVD (LOVEFiLM) rental customers and have recently tried to cancel. Our experience so far:

1. They ignore you when you ask to cancel
2. But even when you succeed, On their cancelation page they say:

"Cancellation is effective on completion of this process. Please ensure
all discs are received back at our Distribution Centre within 7 days."

3. But when you actually click cancel they say:
Cancellation won't occur until we receive all your DVDs.

Which directly contradicts what they just said! And leads to virtually all their customers paying them for an extra month (I imagine)

4. They have no phone service and don't read a single email you send them! (I've sent 6!)

5. They didn't read the registered letter with a legal notice of "Payment under protest" I sent them.

I've just made a formal complaint to trading standards and watchdog and I'm very annoyed! Please tell the internet how bad this company is! I've already discovered there's others out there with similar experiences:

http://www.ciao.co.uk/lovefilm_com__Review_5603832

I don't care how difficult they are going to be, they will give me my 12.99 back, oh yes!!!

Today has been a long and arduous day.  I woke up with my mind full of wearisome thoughts.  I ventured into the world with the yoke of work full upon my back.  I travelled and I toiled and brought back some meagre coppers to my smiling family at about 7PM.  As I entered my yoke was lifted, there was my boy full of smiles and happy to see his Daddy.  There was my smiling wife looking fondly at me.  My worries left me in an instant and I let my weary body sink into a comfortable arm chair, allowing my nose to drink in the smell of my wife's good cooking.  It was at this point that my charming wife started to look a bit shifty.   "Yes"....she said...about your dinner.....I'm afraid.....I ate it! 

I looked at her in surprise and humour, could it be true?  Was there not enough food?  Had I not provided sufficient crust with which she could make a weary traveller a meal?  The story emerged slowly.  Julie had got hungry rather earlier than normal because the hour had gone back.  She'd decided to make the dinner at about 5 and ate hers then.  She then waited for her loving husband to come home to eat his.  The time dragged......the boy played and was himself fed.....  The two of them felt a touch peckish.......The two of them eyed my dinner and with wide and envious eyes....  Julie nibbled a bit.....then a quarter.....then she had eaten half my dinner.....Sam had some...  He threw some on the floor....they laughed....they chortled.....It didn't seem worth leaving half a bowl of chilli for a poor father, late home, so they.....ate the rest.

A poor man walked the streets of Portsmouth late in the evening last night.  Some saw him here, others noticed him there.  He was seen with a hungry look, watching through the pub window.  He was observed by the revellers, feasting on their fresh beef.  A poor man.  A hungry man.  A man dejected and shamed.  In the end he found a dirty Turkish take away.  He sat in his hunger and in his shame munched God's plentiful cheeseburger.  Pity me fellow travellers. Pity me for I am undone and my dinner is in another's belly.  Shame.....Shame.

Today Julie said, "Sometimes you just have to draw a willy".

Well, my trip is finished.  I'm on the plane now and heading back to good old Blighty for a quick slap up tea at Mrs Staniford's pie shop, whilst trying to fend off the little nipper who likes to run up and nick his Dad's dinner.  Ooh, I can't wait to be back.  There's nothing like being away from your family to remind you just how wonderful they are and how lost you would be without them.  Julie tells me that she and Sam feel the same way so all is well in the Staniford world.  I can't wait to see what Sam makes of the new toy, I've got him.  It's a toy power drill.  When I was little I used to like doo-diving (by which I meant DIY for babies).  I suspect Sam to be the same sort of boy.  I can't wait to see how he puts his new to to good use. 

I must say, apart from missing Julie and Sam terribly, my trip has been a good one.  I have a great deal of respect for the German people and have been treated very well by my hosts.  Germany seems a very civilised place to me.  The people are polite and pleasent and the most noticible thing about Germany is the amazing lack of ferrel teenagers hanging about on the streets.  In England and the US, even wealthy places have these malevolent youngsters, dinking and being anti-social.  The Germans do not seem to have this problem and as a result you feel safer walking about their streets.  Nobody walks about English streets at night apart from drunk people.  In Germany, middle age couples stroll about, older ladies wander passed on their way back from visiting friends.  It's very pleasent on the streets and there's no hint of abuse.  I'm not sure what German kids do in the evenings... But whatever it is, it has to be better than drinking cider in the park and having promiscous sex.

England is such a lovely country, I have missed it's fields, it's hills, it's wonderful people with thier "amusing jokes about ze toilet".  However, I also believe we can learn from our continental friends.  Somewhere in our tabloid reading, celebrity obsessed, hooligan endorsing present we have forgotten some of our civilsed ways.  We were once a country known for our polite and friendly ways.  Now we have a reputation for savagery and gutter thinking.  Where is the gentleman?  The friendly Brit who offers a foreigner his help as they try to find their way through a crowded city.  I have wondered for a long time if there has really been a change.  I thought perhaps things have always been this way and that other countries have similar problems to us.  Not so, our neighbors have noticed the change in us, they admit that our food is better....but that sadly our manners have got worse....

Well, this is the kind of occasion where a camera might do a little more justice to the scene that what I can tell you with words.  However, since my brother was kind enough today to encourage my writing endeavours by complimenting them, I shall attempt it...if only for him.  I am sitting in a little cafe outside my hotel, overlooking the Rine, with the most amazing harvest moon shimmering down on myself and my laptop.  For some reason, the moon appears to have shaken off it's usual creamy texture and is peering at me in the most yellow and unmoonlike way imaginable.  The Rine is as beautiful as last night and banks and little islands shimmer, dotted with yellow lights that seem to be trying to fit in with this moon's, unusual stance on colour.  I am sat at a little table on the bank, a lone English fool sitting out in the cool evening while cheerful Germans enjoy each others company in the pleasant and sensibly heated hotel restaurant.

My gosh!  I have been joined.  A sad looking fellow whom I spotted earlier inside has come out and sat at the table next to mine.  He is also watching the moon but I suspect he neither understands it's harvest nature nor appreciates it's overwhelming yellowishness!  Then again, perhaps he has brought himself out here as a direct result of noticing my very singular attentiveness to it.  Perhaps he craves my understanding of such things and wouldn't mind sitting in the cold, eating fruit salad and ice cream (like I am) if only he could gain such a deep and clearly inspired understanding of moons and their capricious natures.

Oh!  He's gone.  He sat for exactly the time it took me to write that last paragraph, drank his beer, shivered slightly and has vanished back inside to join his snug and cheery looking countrymen.  Well! I am affronted and ashamed on his behalf.  If only he'd had my patience, my curiosity.....my.....lack of anything else to do.........bugger, I was going to talk to him in a minute.

Well, I do indeed travel among unknown men.  However, they're not all so bad.  I won't bother to talk about work.  However, this evening has been really quite good.  Travelling alone is always a slightly melancholy affair.  However, tonight has been really not so bad.  I decided that I wanted to immerse myself in Germanness tonight so I asked at the hotel where I could find some traditional German cooking.  They sent me to a place in the old part of Mainz and I duly went there and had my tea.  I had "flame cake" (can't remember the German) but it's a bit like Pizza with rather nice cured ham and some kind of cheese that I didn't recognise but was very good.  I took the book that Julie
had recommended "A room with a view", and read it while I slowly had my flame cake followed by apple strudle.  It's a nice way to eat a meal and I took a long time over it since I didn't want to go back to my lonely hotel. 

After I'd finished it was only 7.30 so I wandered about the old town for a bit until I found a funny old wine bar.  I wanted to read some more of my book so I went in and asked the waitress to pick me a wine to drink.  I'm not a massive fan of German wine, and didn't understand the menu, but it was ok and I happily wiled away the minutes.  Then something quite surreal happened.  I was sitting immersed in my book when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.  A voice said "Do you know where you are?".  I have to admit, for minute, I didn't know where I
was!  I looked up to see the face of a rather kindly old man.  He said that he had seen me from across the bar and thought I looked English.  He further told me that he was English too but that he'd been in Germany for years since his wife was German.  I told him he was quite right, I was English, and that It was
nice to hear his voice.  It's amazing how comforting it can be to hear a countryman when you're far from home.  After a little while of chatting, his wife came over and he told her that I didn't understand the wine menu.  She gave me some advice and told me to try number 14.  She wasn't wrong, it was pretty good.

I came out of the wine bar and wondered if it was time to go back and talk to Julie.  It was only 8.30!!!  I couldn't believe it.  Time goes so slowly when you're on your own.  I decided that I'd follow the tip given me by the hotel receptionist and go for a little walk along the Rine.  The Rine was beutiful and I walked along in a strange state somewhere between contentment (that it was a beautiful evening and the moon was low and beautiful over the Rine) and loneliness (That I was alone in a foreign land with only a lapping river for company).  I must have walked for a couple of miles because I didn't get back until 9.30.  It really was beautiful on the river.  But it wasn't my river....It isn't my country....I'm not really where I belong....but it'll do....for now.

It is strange, those of you that know me well already know this but I am really quite an emotional chap.  I'm not sure if this is caused by the lateness and lonely nature of my leaving, but I have just taken off minutes ago and as I felt the wheels of the aircraft I almost cried.  I looked down on the little lights and cars and houses and realised that I really love my country.  When I categories myself, I like to think Christian, Liberal  thinker, Slightly left-wing and yet deep in my heart somewhere there is a little patriot.  It is only when leaving England that I realise this.  I love the hills and the towns. I love the fields and the people.  I love every detail right down to the little red post boxes.  Most of all I love my family and my friends.  It's times like this that I think of that poem by Wordsworth (borrowed by that Divine Comedy song that I love)

I travelled among unknown men,
In lands beyond the sea,
Nor England, did I know til then,
What love I bore to thee

Tis past that melancholy dream
Nor will I quit thy shore,
a second time for I still seem
to love thee more and more

Among thy mountains did I feel
The joy of my desire
and she I cherished in her room
beside an English fire

She dwelt among the untrodden ways
Besides the springs of dove,
A maid whom there were none to praise
and very few to love

A violet by a mossy stone
Half hidden from the eye
Fair as a star when only one
Is shining in the sky

I really identify with Wordsworth in that poem because much as I like to meet new people and see different parts of the world.  I will not be truly home until I am back over those little white cliffs that are at this moment passing by somewhere far beneath me.....Oh come back little cliffs!

Forgive my sentimentality.....

Well, it's been a while hasn't it.  I'm now sitting in Heathrow at the start of my second ever business trip.  Again I'm off to Mainz, Germany to take over some development work from a team out there and bring it back to the UK.  It's great, I feel like I'm bring the bacon back to good old blighty.  This being said I'm quite fond of the German people.  I'm hoping that they'll take me out for some pleasent Steins of Ale in the picturesque Rineland. 

Leaving Julie and Sam at home was hard.  I felt decidedly emotional at the front door hugging and kissing her.  She's such a sweet girl and he's such a great little boy.  They are my favourites and I love them so dearly.  I'm so pleased that Anne is coming down to stay with Julie.  I hope they'll have a great time together and that it'll help Julie to pass the time with me away. Friends have been wonderful too.  I know she'll get lots of support but I also know I'm going to miss her dearly while trying to pass the time at my hotel and wandering round Germany on my lonesome.  Wow, while writing this I had a call from my old friend Rachel Bowes.  She seems well and it was quite a welcome bit of chitchat while waiting in this lonely airport.  Julie and I really must visit her and her husband Al in London.

I'm going to sit back and listen to Beethovens 6th on my iPod now.  I discovered Beethoven's 6th a while ago when I realised it was the same music that I used to listen to when I was little as my Mum put me to bed.  It was the theme music on the "wind and the willows" story tape that I used to listen to all the time when I was a kid.  These days it just reminds me of childhood and of days when life was simple and secure.  I love it.  I might write a bit more when I'm on the plane.  I think they'll be opening my gate soon.

Julie and I did a test last night, apparently I'm geekier than 98% of people. I'm shocked and appalled and I've even more appalled that Jimbo is "allegedly" only 65% geeky! A likely tale, I'm sure he's geekier than Alli who got 90%.

Quote

Talking about Married to a Nerd

Today while I was out, Sam decided to do something a bit special. Julie was being a super Mum, spring cleaning our house and resiliconing the bath and Sam felt a bit inspired and decided to do his first drawing. He'd attempted drawing before but sadly attempted it at a time when he was a touch hungry and accidently ate the crayons. I've attached the image of his first ever drawing.

Here is is:

I went to a sort of a conference about disability in IBM yesterday.  There was a number of excellent speakers and lots of high powered types about including the IBM UK Manager Larry Hirst, the Government minister for disabilities and social affairs and the BBC's disability correspondent.  The day was really very good and people spoke on a wide range of topics.  The hightlight for me was a talk by a blind entrepreneur who was describing how she set up her business, Great Guns Marketing.  She was also a Christian and I was impressed by how she managed to bring Jesus into what was really quite a high powered talk.  She described how she tried to emulate his management style and the importance of managers being humble.  It's very interesting watching someone who is intelligent with alot of personality and is also blind because they don't give off any obvious body language of the sort of person that they are until they start to speak.  A sighted person who is smart and vivacious will meet the eye of everyone that comes near them and you can usually tell something about them before they even speak.  When such a person is blind, it's interesting because their charm is only directed at you once you introduce yourself and it's more of a surprise.  

Larry Hirst, the UK Manager was quite impressive too and he obviously takes the issue of disability in IBM seriously because he was at the conference for the whole day.  Quite a commitment for a man as busy as he must be.  I chatted to him briefly and managed to take the mickie our of him as he was exchaning business cards with the lady from Great Guns, I'm not sure whether I'm brave or stupid.

Ah, the holiday in Cornwall is over and sadly the palm pilot batteries ran out
so I couldn't carry on my diary entries from the road. We had an absolutely
wonderful time in Cornwall and it was so wonderful to spend time with Mum and
Dad, Julie, Baz and the kids. We went to many places, including the Eden
Project, Lands End, the Minac theatre but for me the best times were when we
just all sat round and chatted together on the beach at Portscatho were we were
staying or at our cottage drinking a few beers and catching up. I really love
my family. Sam was great fun and cheekily scamped about and played with the
pots and pans in the cottage. He learned how to stand up unaided this holiday
and had many cheeky little smiles for everyone. Rachel and Jack seemed to get
on great with Sam and were very gentle and considerate of his small stature.
I'm sure he developed all the faster for being able to watch and learn from his
big cousins.

Well, Jim and Claire's wedding has happened and was a wonderful success. The manly side of it started in the usual way with a 9PM breakfast at Mum's café. Jimbo managed to eat about half his breakfast which was about the same amount as I ate on the morning of my wedding. After this, most of the men came back to our house and chatted and got ready. I got to the wedding about 3 hours before it started and set up all the chairs and generally tried to get things ready. It was quite scary in a way because everyone kept asking me a wide range of questions about what needed doing about a wide range of subjects. Most of these were quite unanticipated but after a while I got used to this and just did the best I could.

When it came time for Claire to arrive Jim and Joe and I were all waiting at the front. Jim was crying buckets and even I had a few tears in my eyes. It's interesting, it was an emotionally charged day and there are several expressions on peoples faces that I don't think I will ever forget. The first was Jim's, and the second was Roger's when he saw Jim as he and Claire got close to the front. It must be strange for a Father who's giving away his daughter, I could see a funny mix of feelings in his face. A little sadness that his daughter was growing up and leaving home but great pleasure that this young man at the front of the church cared for his daughter so much and that she was going to be starting an exciting new life.

The wedding service was really moving and Claire looked radiant the entire time. Her dress was absolutely beautiful and her hair and make-up looked perfect (wow, I feel like such a girl noticing these things). Dave Lambert did the service wonderfully and it was done in a kind of Church of England style. Jim's brother in law, Jim Partridge gave a talk about marriage and that was really good too. It was quite funny but had some excellent practical points in it about how great marriage is and how to keep a marriage fresh and healthy. I imagine he has a pretty good marriage himself and a lot of what he said struck me as true and good given my experience of marriage over the last three years.

After the service we milled about and photographs were taken. It was at this point that the only negative thing happened (and even that turned into a positive by the end of the day). I went over to the marquee to check that everything was ready for the guests when Liam came and told me that the 36 bottles of white wine and their chillers were missing. We quickly worked out that they'd been stolen and I dispatched a couple of likely lads (Dave and Rob you wonderful guys!) to go and get some more. I'm told that Jim wondered what was going on when he saw one of the ushers and a guest squeezing past the wedding car in a great rush but he was too busy getting married to care that much. Dave and Rob returned quickly with the wine and the day was saved. Later on, my heart was warmed by so many guests wanting to pay for the wine. I couldn't work out how so many had found out but I guess that sort of news can't be kept in.

Then came the time for the speeches and the 3rd facial expression that I will remember for the rest of my life. Roger and Joe had given their speeches and I went to one end of the marquee so that I could be near the projector. I'd decided to start my speech with a bit of a tease, claiming that I was going to do a comparison between Claire and one of Jim's ex-girlfriends. I was then going to show them a picture of Jim with his old skeleton buddy "Vera". The idea of this was that really to create a bit of dramatic tension so that people would laugh when I showed them the photo of James with the skeleton but I don't think I realised just how much dramatic tension I was creating. As I said the word "ex-girlfried" I saw the colour drain from Claire's face and saw an expression there that I don't think I've ever seen before on someone else's face. She clearly believed, that despite the fact that we were close friends, I was about to say something utterly awful. In that two seconds between uttering the words and showing the photograph that made it all ok again, I saw what it must be like to be a horrible betrayer. Claire was laughing by the end of the speech and everyone seemed to enjoy the email I read out from Jim when he was thinking about asking Claire out, but I can still see that expression in my head. Apparently one of the ladies from Church, Jan Lambert was heard to be repeating, "he won't say that!", "he wouldn't". She was laughing too by the end and everybody said nice things about my speech but I still get a bit of a cold chill when I think about that 2 seconds.

After the wedding, there was a bit of barn dancing, a bit of line dancing (Thanks Rob it was awesome) and then a bit of a hip and cheesy disco. I danced with vigour at all three and did my special "Dad" dancing of which my wife is so proud. It was very silly and more than one person clearly came to the conclusion that I'd had too much to drink. This wasn't in fact true and I attribute it to the fact that they've never seen me dancing before! I tend to go a bit nuts which is not quite my normal sensible self. Claire and Jim looked as happy as can be and both had lots of fun with the dancing. We all did lots of silly moves and much fun was had by all. Sarah Wallis did a particularly good barbie girl which amused me muchly. At the end of the evening, everyone made a big arch throughout the whole marquee and Jim and Claire passed through it into their new life together. They drove off in Jim's little red golf with can's rattling behind confetti showering from the exhaust pipe. Ahh, the start of a wonderful life together :-)

Hey, check out my darling wife's blog at:
http://spaces.msn.com/juliesvent/

We're going to be moving house next weekend!!  We'll still be in Portsmouth and
we've got a nice little house that my lovely Mum and Dad helped us buy.  Bless
them :-)  Come and see us! (if you know us that is, we don't want random people
off the Internet ;-) )  We'd love to hear from any of you guys we haven't seen
in ages.  Oh, here's a picture of Sam sitting on all the boxes before we move.

Here's some pictures of Sam eating his first piece of cheese.